In Search of Something to Find
I am the first one to admit that I am a searcher. I will search for a bargain in a sales rack. I have been on the search for a fulfilling job since graduating from college. I search for purpose and meaning to what I do with my time and who I spend time with. Along those same lines I've been thinking about what it is I will find.
The premise of the search is to find something, right? Sometimes I'm lost in the journey and don't know what to find. I live moment to moment without too much care for the next moment, or six months or five years. (Sometimes this lifestyle is more satisfying than others.) When I was a child my dad would attach a magnet to a string and I would drag it through the grass and dirt outside of our barn and tractor sheds to find stray nails and bolts. I have found some things recently, though: a ring on a crowded dance floor, time to write this blog, a workout class that fits my busy schedule, joy in long phone calls to old friends.
Along with all I've found, I am still looking. The band U2 sings about the search in "I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for": "I have run, I have crawled; I have scaled these city walls; These city walls; Only to be with you; But I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
It's hard to look when you don't know what you are searching for. Sometimes I'm not sure I will ever know. Or maybe that's part of the mystery of life. One of my favorite quotes about this journey is from T.S. Eliot: "The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
One more thought on the journey: home. The concept of home or a resting place is important in the search. There is a distinct sense of arrival in T.S. Eliot's quote, and to arrive in our "home" or starting point is very significant. Sometimes the "home" is really a home or a place. For me home is a feeling. Like most things in my life (relationships, traveling, writing) I know when they are going well because they feel well. I feel well when I'm engaged in relationships, or riding the train to visit family, or brainstorming ideas for an article. And the feeling of knowing something for the first time engages my senses of wonder and anticipation for what lies ahead in the journey.
I am the first one to admit that I am a searcher. I will search for a bargain in a sales rack. I have been on the search for a fulfilling job since graduating from college. I search for purpose and meaning to what I do with my time and who I spend time with. Along those same lines I've been thinking about what it is I will find.
The premise of the search is to find something, right? Sometimes I'm lost in the journey and don't know what to find. I live moment to moment without too much care for the next moment, or six months or five years. (Sometimes this lifestyle is more satisfying than others.) When I was a child my dad would attach a magnet to a string and I would drag it through the grass and dirt outside of our barn and tractor sheds to find stray nails and bolts. I have found some things recently, though: a ring on a crowded dance floor, time to write this blog, a workout class that fits my busy schedule, joy in long phone calls to old friends.
Along with all I've found, I am still looking. The band U2 sings about the search in "I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for": "I have run, I have crawled; I have scaled these city walls; These city walls; Only to be with you; But I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
It's hard to look when you don't know what you are searching for. Sometimes I'm not sure I will ever know. Or maybe that's part of the mystery of life. One of my favorite quotes about this journey is from T.S. Eliot: "The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
One more thought on the journey: home. The concept of home or a resting place is important in the search. There is a distinct sense of arrival in T.S. Eliot's quote, and to arrive in our "home" or starting point is very significant. Sometimes the "home" is really a home or a place. For me home is a feeling. Like most things in my life (relationships, traveling, writing) I know when they are going well because they feel well. I feel well when I'm engaged in relationships, or riding the train to visit family, or brainstorming ideas for an article. And the feeling of knowing something for the first time engages my senses of wonder and anticipation for what lies ahead in the journey.
posted by barbara at 9:03 AM
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